Hello? Okay, so I do a better job managing my journal than I do managing my blog. I've written in a journal since I was 12. I've had a blog since 2005 (with only one posting then.). I am so grateful I've always written in a journal. I mean, having lost the lat 12+ years of crystal clear memory due to
ECT has really changed me. I mean if you learn from your experiences . . . does that mean that you have to experience everything over again if you can't remember it? Good thing I've kept a journal and have friends and family who can remind me of things. Everything from the activities and experiences I've had to the tale of Sleeping Beauty and
Rumpelstiltskin.
Anyway, let me catch you up.
I moved from that horrid group house on July 1, 2009. What a difference! I am now living with a friend of mine. She is the mother of one of my friends from high school/the "other ward." It is so nice to have family prayer and live in an environment that is inviting to the Spirit. Because of which my perspective on life has completely changed. The voices have left and I am getting out and around on my bike, bus and trolley. It's actually refreshing.
That is until yesterday. Boy, yesterday something hit me. I must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed. My brain was in overload. spinning and repeating things over and over again. I started freaking out. I mean completely freaking out. It got to the point where I couldn't catch my breath and stop crying, which for me means getting sick to my stomach. But luckily I was able to control that. Finally I remembered to call my counselor. I got through to him and he reminded me I have a
PRN and to take one. My roommate finally came home and did not yell at me (not that she ever has. But for some reason I was thinking over and over again that she would (like they did at that group home I was at)). I was beyond paranoid. I was sweating and feeling cold at the same time. We don't have air conditioning and so I had the fans on. But I was seriously
whacked. I had called my dad and he asked if I had a fever. I took my temp and it was only 99, so I don't think it was the fever.
I hope my family never has to see that side of me again.
Unfortunately, I can only control it so much.
I have made many mistakes in this life, some having to do with my family and I really don't want to put them through what I go through. Not that my illness is caused by my mistakes. Nope. I've never taken drugs unless they are
prescribed. I've never taken too much of a drug either. But I have watched things on
TV that seriously effect my affect. (How's that for a sentence?!) I am working on watching less
TV and when I do watch
TV, not to watch things that are violent or just plain bad, because it effects my spirit, which effects my brain, body and mood. I'm sure that at one point I knew all this, but it seems that I have relearned it in a significant way.
Now that I've talked your ear off, I'll let you go. :) -MOPS
