Here it is the day before my 36th birthday! Oh gosh! You know, for years my illness really seemed to take over around my birthday. I could have been because of my getting older, or it could have been because I think both of my fiance's broke it off in March. Or it could have been a combination of knowing I was getting a year older and yet I still hadn't found that special someone. It wasn't ever a conscious effort. I mean who wants to spend their birthday in the hospital??? Seriously. Yet, from 1998-2007 every single year I found myself locked away on or around my birthday. I am happy to announce this is my third year free from birthday hospitalizations!! WAHOOOO! As you know I've come a LONG way in my journey with schizoaffective disorder.
This semester has been an interesting one. About a month ago I decided to help my professor, Marj, with her presentation on schizophrenia, schizoaffective and bipolar disorder. She knew of my illness because I'd told her about it. I'd told her about it because she is the professor who is in charge of the psych emphasis for the Rehabilitation Program I'm in at SDSU. She did the academic presentation, during which she mentioned how many people have these illnesses, but you'd never know because they function great in society. She said, "One out of 100 people have schizophrenia. We always hear about the people who are homeless, or the people who act weird, but really many people live with these illnesses successfully. They could be the person sitting next to you at work or school, and you'd never know it. It's for that reason I asked Sarah if she'd be willing to talk about her experience." Some of the students looked over at me just baffled. I got up, walked to the front of the room, took a deep breath, turned around and smiled. My colleagues actually looked confused. They had no idea.
It felt good. It felt good because for so many years people have discounted my opinion as though it was irrelevant. People who knew I had an illness, would get up and move when I sat down next to them in environments which should have been loving. (Honestly, I always thought they were getting up to use the bathroom and then not coming back to the same spot until one day the girl I sat down next to, got up and moved to the row immediately behind me. When she sat down the person she next to asked her why she'd moved. The girl said, 'That's Sarah. she's schizophrenic and bipolar! She's even having shock treatments!' The person said, 'Oh, I get it.' As though my illness were something contagious and for whatever reason my ears didn't work.) Doctors even overlooked intense flu symptoms because they saw my label on the chart and figured I was forcing myself to be sick because obviously the flu symptoms had to be explained by some sort of psychological disorder and not a virus or food poisoning. I mean seriously. The stigma is pervasive.
Yet, by not disclosing my illness to the students around me, they looked at me as a peer, one with valid and even insightful perspective. Other students have told me they are honored to work with me because they love my quality of work. And there I stood, in front of them, disclosing I have schizoaffective disorder---a combination of aspects of both schizophrenia and bipolar. Yes. It was a huge leap of faith. I was amazed at their response. They were fascinated and shocked all at the same time.
The only reason I did it was because when I was so ill for SO long, I only had a handful of people who recognized my illness was something that could be dealt while still encouraging me that I could live successfully with it. I wanted to give my peers that perspective so that when they go and work with people who have a serious mental illness, they can see their clients' potential.
Almost the entire class has pulled me aside since then and told me they had never seen someone who's been through what I've experienced and functioning at the level that I am. They thought it was only possible in Hollywood and . . . in an ideal world. Each of them said that it gave them a completely different perspective on the potential of their future clients. One student asked me to come to her work and talk to her clients and coworkers because she wanted to help them think beyond the stigma. I've had two people ask me if they can interview me further for school projects. One of those students interviewed me yesterday and said she was titling her project 'The Girl Next Door," because she would have never dreamed in a million years I'd gone through what I have or that I was diagnosed with an acute psychiatric illness. In essence she told me I'd shattered her negative perspective on a schizophrenic's potential. In other words, I achieved my goal. It feels good.
So, this is the deal. This coming month, on April 16th, I am walking in the NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) Walk. It's a 5k. It's kind of like those amazing walks to cure cancer or autism, only people just don't feel comfortable talking about mental illness and so curing it really doesn't get the attention it it really needs and deserves. However statistics show that 100% of people in the world will experience a mental illness at some point in their life. Maybe it will be anxiety, clinical depression, insomnia, narcolepsy, chronic nightmares, PTSD, psychological problems related to abuse of any nature . . . it effects us all. Just think, if they say schizophrenia isn't very common and yet 1 out of 100 people have it . . . that makes it more prevalent than current Autism statistics!
In any case, I love NAMI because I've participated in their peer-to-peer program. It was created as a way for people with mental illness to support one another. Until I started going to the peer-to-peer program, I always thought people like me, with Mental Illness, could never really live an enjoyable, successful life because I'd only been exposed to people who were stuck in partial hospitalization programs, institutions and hospitals. I'd only been educated about my own illness by some doctors & nurses, but was mostly influenced by what I'd heard---all the negative news reports. I'd been falsely educated by stereotypes created by TV shows and movies. It really tore me apart to think that I was going to be a burden on society and my family for the rest of my life. The peer-to-peer program brought me close to people who were moms, executives, dads, teachers members of every walk of life who lived successfully with their illness and it taught me I could be successful too.
NAMI helped me develop the strength & coping skills which drove me to where I am today: Happy, healthy, going to grad school and feeling like a productive member of society!
Of course I could have never done any of it without your emotional support as well!
Now I have the opportunity to make a difference for NAMI by participating in this walk. I'll be walking with a group of students from my grad program, SDSU Rehabilitation Counseling. I decided to participate this year in the NAMI walk because (as you know) my illness effects every aspect of my life in some way or another and given the statistics I know it effects yours as well. NAMI's work is important to me because they provide me (and people like me) with opportunities to spread our wings and soar!
Supporting me in my 5k will make a difference not only for me but for all those needing the emotional support to cope with either their illness or the illness of a loved one. You can access my page by clicking this link: http://www.nami.org/walkTemplate.cfm?section=NAMIWALKS&template=/customsource/namiwalks/walkerpage.cfm&walkerID=159417 It's easy, fast and secure. It is also the most efficient way to sponsor me. Anything, no matter how small, will make a difference in the life of someone like me who's on the road to remission of symptoms. Hey, If you live in the San Diego area, come join me!!
Both NAMI and I appreciate your donation. It will be the best birthday gift ever!!
Here's to a new year!!
Love ya! -MOPS
p.s. I challenge you to get all your friends involved! It's a national cause so it doesn't matter where they live, their donation will help NAMI help others all over the country, not just here in San Diego.
- You can print one of my flyers (https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B970RafuSBYuYWQwMTJlYTAtYTFmNS00ZWMyLTg0ZDEtMmMwNGE3NjgyMDQ3&hl=en&authkey=CNKuldYF) Post them at your local library, movie rental, classroom, grocerystore, little league, high school swim or track meets . . .
- Skip starbucks or brown bag it once a week and use the money to support me & NAMI.
- Remember all NAMI donations are TAX deductable!
- Post my link http://www.nami.org/walkTemplate.cfm?section=NAMIWALKS&template=/customsource/namiwalks/walkerpage.cfm&walkerID=159417 your Facebook/LinkedIn status . . . then at lease it will drum up awareness, right?
- Email your local scouts, kiwanas, lion's club, rotary, Mommy 'n Me groups, schools, church leaders and educate them on the statistics. Mental illness may even effect them right now---you never know.
- Drop off prescriptions, drop off a flyer.
- Post a flyer at your favorite restaurant!
- Have a lemonade stand, car wash, service project!!
- Put together a texting chain on your phone it can read "Mark your calendars for April 16th" Then when people text you to ask why, you can respond with a text that reads "NAMI WALK! http://www.nami.org/walkTemplate.cfm?section=NAMIWALKS&template=/customsource/namiwalks/walkerpage.cfm&walkerID=159417
- The easiest one of all, forward my blog and or the NAMI walk link above.
- Remind others that when they support you in supporting NAMI they are supporting your loved one.
