Greetings and salutaions! I was in the worst of moods yesterday. Well, I guess I shouldn't say worst . . . I have had much worse. But I felt awfully fat yesterday. I watched the Biggest Loser and there is a girl on it who weighs as much as I do. She is a big girl. I guess I knew I was too, but seeing her in that little weigh in outfit made me think twice. I am the big girl! I hope I don't look it. I know that I have lose 50 Lbs since . . . I think it was 2 years ago when I weighed in at 247. So I am grateful for that. Last night my roommate couldn't figure out why I was crying at the kitchen table and suggested I make some cookies. Um, not a good idea. So instead she made the cookies. I had gone for a little walk and come hope to a huge batch of unbaked oatmeal cookies. They were the really sugary kind as they had 3 CUPS of brown sugar. I have never had that kind before. I love oatmeal cookies to begin with. My goal was to just taste one, but I think I had six-eight. Um Hello Sarah! Maybe I need to set some goals and stick to them.
But I was able to talk to my brother, Jeff and my friend, Winder. They have a way of picking me up when I'm down. I was feeling so far behind in the grand scheme of things. I mean I have yet to get married let alone have kids. And I'm creeping up on my 35th b-day. Ah well. We all have our own divine schedule.
I was going to go on a date tomorrow, but the guy wanted to go at 10:30am and I have a NAMI meeting from 10:30am-12:30pm. I guess he's too busy to go after that. Bummer. I'll see him at church on Sunday and we can talk it over. He's a security guy, so maybe he works all night and sleeps in the day or something.
Today I am applying for a receptionist job at H & R Block. It's only part time and minimum wage, but it will get me more busy, which is something I need so that I'm not sitting around watching TV.
I've got a couple blood tests to run. Hopefully those cookies didn't push me over the edge for my fasting blood glucose test. Cross your fingers. I'm off!
-MOPS
About Me
- Sarah
- I was born and raised in San Diego. Currently I'm a grad student at SDSU (class of 2013) studying Rehabilitation Counseling to help people with disabilities get the accessability and accomodations they need to achieve their potential! I'm an alum of Helix High, Rick's College & BYU. Yes, I'm a Mormon & I served a mission in The Texas Dallas Spanish/ASL Mission. Although it wasn't always true, I'm now successfully living with Schizoaffective Disorder. I've been blessed with a great family and many friends. Enjoy!
Friday, November 20, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
The Human Experience
I've been thinking about something that I want to share with you. When I was a kid I didn't think much about the fact that my grandpas on both sides of the family had served in World War II. Nor did I think much of the fact that my Uncle served in Vietnam. I never thought much about my grandma's brother who died while serving in WWII. I just didn't think about it. To me war is a horrible, nasty thing and I didn't want to be involved in it.
When I was at BYU I had the opportunity to take a personal history class from Don Norton. He taught me the importance of finding out those things I can about the people I am related to and to record that information in a way that would be accessible to the person and also to the family if they so desired.
I had the opportunity to become Brother Norton's assistant. At first I was working as a copy editor with him. He would let me do the first read of professors' articles to be published and then would teach me what I need to learn in order to become a better copy editor.
Later, he included me in a project that he was working on---Oral History. At the time he was interviewing WWII veterans and finding out about their stories and their experiences. 99% of them felt they had nothing to share, but Don has a way of asking just the right question and sharing his understanding in a way the people come alive with memories and stories. WWII became real to me! Suddenly I was hearing about the Pearl Harbor bombing from people who were in their late teens and early twenties at the time. Basically they were my age and they had the same kinds of reaction that I hope I would, pure terror and a sense of obligation to do something about it.
Having interviewed my grandpa about his experiences in WWII, I gained a greater respect for him and a what I would hope was a sense of compassion. It's grown with every person I've interviewed or transcribed since. Some of these people we call heroes. Like my grandpa, they would never call themselves heroes, but they are simply because they did the best they could under awfully horrible circumstances. Many veterans feel it was just their duty. But while doing their duty, while being pushed to the edge, they dug down and found that determination to overcome and fight tooth and nail to accomplish the task. They strived to do whatever they could to better the lives of others.
I've had the opportunity to interview and transcribe many interviews. It doesn't matter if they were involved in the military, or if they weren't. People have a story to tell and we need to listen.
While interviewing someone about their experiences, whether it be war on the battlefield or war in daily life situations, we all have experiences that are unique and that can help others. How? Well, many people experience something and feel all alone because they feel like no one can understand their situation. However, once I began learning of the experiences of other people, I began learning about myself. We all have that desire to understand who we really are. We all have those experience that push us to our very edge and or experiences that make us dig deeper within than we ever thought possible. I'm sure we have all experienced being lonely and feeling like no one remembers us. Perhaps we've felt grief stricken and didn't know how to express ourselves. We've felt inexplicably happy or down right confused. At times we feel enraged, offended or frustrated. Sometimes we feel completely stupid. Hopefully there comes a time when we feel smarter than all get out for a brief moment. For some there is depression and despair. At other times there may be this feeling you're infused with energy. Hopefully we've all felt full, and I think that everyone has felt starving---real or imagined. There's humiliation, sickness, love and hatred. That feeling of being completely stuck or that desire to be accepted. We're addicted to something, be it food, TV, exercise, drugs or even the comforts of life as the case may be. We feel completely ignored by others and maybe there are even days we wish we were ignored. There are hours, days, weeks, months or even years where we may feel completely overwhelmed or even on the brink of giving up---not knowing where to even begin. While there are or will be times when we feel we need to do more. There's pride. There's guilt. There's humility. And yes, there's even that silly side that pokes it's head in and makes us want to laugh like a kids again when we hear someone fart. The point is, the human experience is actually quite similar. Granted, none of us experience the same things in the same ways.
I think Heavenly Father wants us to learn from our brother, Jesus Christ. He also wants us to learn from each other. Just like he wants us to liken the scriptures unto ourselves (1 Ne 19:23), I believe he wants us to relate to one another.
No, I don't have to be a veteran to understand war or the ravishes thereof. And you don't need to know what hearing a voice in your head for seven years is like to understand me. All we need to do is learn compassion. We need to learn that while our situations may be completely different---opposite even---we have the same kinds of feelings. No, we might not react to things in the same way. But we have felt or one day will feel what the other person is feeling. Learn from each other, and the only way we can honestly do that is to listen with an open mind.
It is not my intent to belittle the sacrifices of those many veterans who've served our country through out the years, some of whom gave their very lives, nor is it to tell people I understand what they're going through. Instead, I hope there is some inkling born in each of us to try and understand. Try and get to know others. Try and become better accuainted with our family members and the others who surround us daily. Everyone has a story to tell and I am willing to bet that everyone wants to be better understood.
How's that for being preachy? Hope you're having a great day and that your dreams and wishes come true.
-MOPS
When I was at BYU I had the opportunity to take a personal history class from Don Norton. He taught me the importance of finding out those things I can about the people I am related to and to record that information in a way that would be accessible to the person and also to the family if they so desired.
I had the opportunity to become Brother Norton's assistant. At first I was working as a copy editor with him. He would let me do the first read of professors' articles to be published and then would teach me what I need to learn in order to become a better copy editor.
Later, he included me in a project that he was working on---Oral History. At the time he was interviewing WWII veterans and finding out about their stories and their experiences. 99% of them felt they had nothing to share, but Don has a way of asking just the right question and sharing his understanding in a way the people come alive with memories and stories. WWII became real to me! Suddenly I was hearing about the Pearl Harbor bombing from people who were in their late teens and early twenties at the time. Basically they were my age and they had the same kinds of reaction that I hope I would, pure terror and a sense of obligation to do something about it.
Having interviewed my grandpa about his experiences in WWII, I gained a greater respect for him and a what I would hope was a sense of compassion. It's grown with every person I've interviewed or transcribed since. Some of these people we call heroes. Like my grandpa, they would never call themselves heroes, but they are simply because they did the best they could under awfully horrible circumstances. Many veterans feel it was just their duty. But while doing their duty, while being pushed to the edge, they dug down and found that determination to overcome and fight tooth and nail to accomplish the task. They strived to do whatever they could to better the lives of others.
I've had the opportunity to interview and transcribe many interviews. It doesn't matter if they were involved in the military, or if they weren't. People have a story to tell and we need to listen.
While interviewing someone about their experiences, whether it be war on the battlefield or war in daily life situations, we all have experiences that are unique and that can help others. How? Well, many people experience something and feel all alone because they feel like no one can understand their situation. However, once I began learning of the experiences of other people, I began learning about myself. We all have that desire to understand who we really are. We all have those experience that push us to our very edge and or experiences that make us dig deeper within than we ever thought possible. I'm sure we have all experienced being lonely and feeling like no one remembers us. Perhaps we've felt grief stricken and didn't know how to express ourselves. We've felt inexplicably happy or down right confused. At times we feel enraged, offended or frustrated. Sometimes we feel completely stupid. Hopefully there comes a time when we feel smarter than all get out for a brief moment. For some there is depression and despair. At other times there may be this feeling you're infused with energy. Hopefully we've all felt full, and I think that everyone has felt starving---real or imagined. There's humiliation, sickness, love and hatred. That feeling of being completely stuck or that desire to be accepted. We're addicted to something, be it food, TV, exercise, drugs or even the comforts of life as the case may be. We feel completely ignored by others and maybe there are even days we wish we were ignored. There are hours, days, weeks, months or even years where we may feel completely overwhelmed or even on the brink of giving up---not knowing where to even begin. While there are or will be times when we feel we need to do more. There's pride. There's guilt. There's humility. And yes, there's even that silly side that pokes it's head in and makes us want to laugh like a kids again when we hear someone fart. The point is, the human experience is actually quite similar. Granted, none of us experience the same things in the same ways.
I think Heavenly Father wants us to learn from our brother, Jesus Christ. He also wants us to learn from each other. Just like he wants us to liken the scriptures unto ourselves (1 Ne 19:23), I believe he wants us to relate to one another.
No, I don't have to be a veteran to understand war or the ravishes thereof. And you don't need to know what hearing a voice in your head for seven years is like to understand me. All we need to do is learn compassion. We need to learn that while our situations may be completely different---opposite even---we have the same kinds of feelings. No, we might not react to things in the same way. But we have felt or one day will feel what the other person is feeling. Learn from each other, and the only way we can honestly do that is to listen with an open mind.
It is not my intent to belittle the sacrifices of those many veterans who've served our country through out the years, some of whom gave their very lives, nor is it to tell people I understand what they're going through. Instead, I hope there is some inkling born in each of us to try and understand. Try and get to know others. Try and become better accuainted with our family members and the others who surround us daily. Everyone has a story to tell and I am willing to bet that everyone wants to be better understood.
How's that for being preachy? Hope you're having a great day and that your dreams and wishes come true.
-MOPS
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Dept. of Vocational Rehabilitation
Hi, I am excited to say that Department of Vocational Rehabilitation California is currently helping me get the papers in order to get my education and get off the dole! Yes, that is right folks. I will be getting an education, a job and getting off social security!! Yea!!
Granted it will take a while, but I am so happy to be part of this program. They said that once the paperwork is approved they will pay for my GRE and my tuition and books!! The paperwork should all be completed and accepted to begin by the beginning of next week! Can you believe that!? I'm currently looking forward to applying for the Master's of Rehabilitation Counseling at SDSU. Evidently it is even the nineth in the nation! I have finished my application with the exception of my three letters of recommendation, taking the GRE and transcripts from BYU and Ricks. Oh my word!
Today I went to the dentist. I really have the best Dentist, Dr. Scott Herrod. He and his office and assistants are probably some of the most thoughtful people I know and deal with for my health. if it weren't for that scraping noise when they clean my teeth, I think I would go more often. I do look forward to seeing them though.
I got to hang out with my parents today. They took me to my dentist appt. and they also took me to get my early Christmas Present, NEW PLANNER PAGES!! I don't know why, but getting new pages always gets me excited about the comming year, especially now that I have so much to look forward to. I almost ripped right into those pages when I got home, but I decided to check my email and post something here first. Ah, the restraint! Although, I think this is the first time I have looked forward to the new year in a LONG time. I guess it's because I can actually see the change in my life. I am actually feeling happy, not just exsisting. I have my education to look forward to and my new job as a Rehab Counselor not looking like a dream anymore but actually realistic. I have also been able to make some friends and build my enjoyment factor. Boy, am I grateful!
Leslie made homemade mac and cheese last night. Homemade is so much better than that box stuff I was eating so often!
Well, I can't wait to rip into those planner pages. I'd better go . . . until later, MOPS
Oh, I took a picture of those silly boots. I have been wearing them religiously. I have gotten pretty good at walking around in them. In fact, my new favorite past time is dancing in them. Actually, I just plant my feet on the ground, swing my hips, and shoulders, wave my finger back and forth while lip sic - ing "R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to me!" with it turned up! While no one else is home of course. :)
The Boots!
YES, it looks like I have two left feet, but I was assured they were bi-footed. (is that how you say it?)
YES, it looks like I have two left feet, but I was assured they were bi-footed. (is that how you say it?)
Okay, so you can't get a true idea of me dancing from this picture. Too bad I don't have a video of me singing and dancing R-E-S-P-E-C-T! I guess I need to find a friend with a camera. :)
-MOPS
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Reflections
Greetings and Salutations!
You know, for the past few days I have been thinking about my "Human Experience" entry. I've been thinking about my grandpa and his WWII experience. I've been thinking about the other men and women who were directly involved in WWII either as a civilian, a soldier, a nurse, or heaven forbid as a Jewish person in Eastern Europe. All this thinking really bothers me.
Recently I read Clara's War: One Girl's Story of Survival. It was the most amazingly written, story of a young Jewish girl who lived in Poland during WWII and who actually survived it. I hadn't read the entire title of the book and had never heard of it before. I didn't know she would survive. I thought it was like The Diary of Anne Frank, a young Jewish girl who didn't. Clara's War told of the ravages of war. She documents the lives and deaths of many of her friends and family. She tells it like it is, as it is happening. It was an alarming story balanced with her discovering the true meaning behind the prayers and traditions she practiced her entire 15 years on the Earth. It was touching and devastating all in the same breath.
I was thinking about this book and tonight I turned on the History channel and there was a documentary of WWII. I turned it on just as the Allies were liberating their first concentration camp. The raw footage of those first and lasting images of those piles of skeletons and the diaries of the soldiers who liberated them and then the nurses who treated those who were still alive---yet looked like the walking dead---makes me realize I will never understand what those people went through. I will never understand the horror, terror or amount of cruelty exhibited in those concentration camps. I will never understand what it's like to be those valiant troops as they shot at other human beings, freezing in a snow covered trench while those very same beings shoot at me. Nor will I understand what it was like for a Japanese family to have the atomic bomb dropped on their city. Or those Japanese Americans who were herded into camps here in the United States.
At least I hope and pray I never fully understand, but I hope I can feel the compassion necessary to do something about it. By compassion I don't mean pity. To me pity means feeling sorry for someone or something while thinking they are somehow lower than I am. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you have a better definition than I do. I guess more than compassion, I hope that I can feel empathy.
Today I went to the Peer-to-Peer meeting at NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill). Each person had 6 minutes to summarize their experience and 3 minutes to for the group to respond. I heard some of the most horrific situations and experiences that I have ever heard in my life.
I have to admit I tried to share mine and I got choked up. I couldn't look anyone in the eye while explaining it. I think part of the reason was because no one had ever heard the entire, real story, although many have lived it with me. The other part of my emotions stemmed from this oddly empowering declaration of triumph. I survived! Right now I feel like I am more than existing. I feel like I am living---and loving it! -MOPS
You know, for the past few days I have been thinking about my "Human Experience" entry. I've been thinking about my grandpa and his WWII experience. I've been thinking about the other men and women who were directly involved in WWII either as a civilian, a soldier, a nurse, or heaven forbid as a Jewish person in Eastern Europe. All this thinking really bothers me.
Recently I read Clara's War: One Girl's Story of Survival. It was the most amazingly written, story of a young Jewish girl who lived in Poland during WWII and who actually survived it. I hadn't read the entire title of the book and had never heard of it before. I didn't know she would survive. I thought it was like The Diary of Anne Frank, a young Jewish girl who didn't. Clara's War told of the ravages of war. She documents the lives and deaths of many of her friends and family. She tells it like it is, as it is happening. It was an alarming story balanced with her discovering the true meaning behind the prayers and traditions she practiced her entire 15 years on the Earth. It was touching and devastating all in the same breath.
I was thinking about this book and tonight I turned on the History channel and there was a documentary of WWII. I turned it on just as the Allies were liberating their first concentration camp. The raw footage of those first and lasting images of those piles of skeletons and the diaries of the soldiers who liberated them and then the nurses who treated those who were still alive---yet looked like the walking dead---makes me realize I will never understand what those people went through. I will never understand the horror, terror or amount of cruelty exhibited in those concentration camps. I will never understand what it's like to be those valiant troops as they shot at other human beings, freezing in a snow covered trench while those very same beings shoot at me. Nor will I understand what it was like for a Japanese family to have the atomic bomb dropped on their city. Or those Japanese Americans who were herded into camps here in the United States.
At least I hope and pray I never fully understand, but I hope I can feel the compassion necessary to do something about it. By compassion I don't mean pity. To me pity means feeling sorry for someone or something while thinking they are somehow lower than I am. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you have a better definition than I do. I guess more than compassion, I hope that I can feel empathy.
Today I went to the Peer-to-Peer meeting at NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill). Each person had 6 minutes to summarize their experience and 3 minutes to for the group to respond. I heard some of the most horrific situations and experiences that I have ever heard in my life.
I have to admit I tried to share mine and I got choked up. I couldn't look anyone in the eye while explaining it. I think part of the reason was because no one had ever heard the entire, real story, although many have lived it with me. The other part of my emotions stemmed from this oddly empowering declaration of triumph. I survived! Right now I feel like I am more than existing. I feel like I am living---and loving it! -MOPS
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