Top Things That Happened in 2009

(Thanks to my journals I can actually tell you about it!)

January

Became Assistant Ward Librarian of the San Diego 8th Ward

February

Had a ship (currently docked in Madagascar) named after me!
(Yes, that's a real boat and no, it's not photoshopped!)

March

Turned 34!! Celebrated with some friends and family

April

Visited AZ and family (including 4 nieces and 1 nephew)

May

Last hospital stay of 2009!! As of today I've been out seven months in a row---new record since 2002!

June

Quit ECT!

July 1st

Moved out of the nasty group home! No more rationed toilet paper!!

Moved in with Leslie McEwan and her two cute little doggies.

Became a member of the La Mesa 2nd Ward

Began feeling like myself again!

August

Relearned how to subtract

Taught how to efficiently budget money (newly improved subtraction skills help)

Began remembering things taking place in this month.

September

Played to my hearts content with Klint, Heather and family during Labor Day weekend.

Unintentionally performed a perfect Back Flop off Grandpa and Grandma’s diving board

Began teaching Advanced ASL for the CA North Stake

Interviewed by State of CA Vocational Rehab. Dept. for eligibility to be trained.

October

Played way too much (if that’s possible) with the Forbushes! (Visiting from UT)

Relearned a key rule: Don’t chase after the Elders!! Ended up in TWO orthatic boots!

Pushed around Sea World like a princess! (In a wheelchair)

Handed out treats for Halloween as stay-puff marshmallow boy

Accepted into State of CA Voc. Rehab Program!!

November

Called as “Ward Bulletin Administrator”

Celebrated Thanksgiving with parents and grandparents

December

Hired by H&R Block as a “Customer Service Professional or CSP” (Personally I prefer receptionist ;)

Funding comes through for GRE test and Master’s Program at SDSU to become Rehab Counselor and help others with disabilities get the accessibility they need.

Played with Klint, Heather and kids for 3 days!!

Put together a 500 piece puzzle of the USA (by myself) in less than 3 hrs!

Okay, well, as you can see I've had quite the variety of things happen during this year. If'I could take one thing away from it I would have to say . . . hope. During this past year I have been on the brink of hopelessness feeling lost and alone---wondering hour after hour if I would ever be able to control my illness instead of it controling me. Now here I am with my illness in check for the most part and I have the world at my fingers. I may not be able to control my illness, but I have a tighter reign on things. I also have something waiting just over the horizon. 2010 is going to be the best year yet, I can feel it! Happy new year! -MOPS

Greetings and salutaions! I was in the worst of moods yesterday. Well, I guess I shouldn't say worst . . . I have had much worse. But I felt awfully fat yesterday. I watched the Biggest Loser and there is a girl on it who weighs as much as I do. She is a big girl. I guess I knew I was too, but seeing her in that little weigh in outfit made me think twice. I am the big girl! I hope I don't look it. I know that I have lose 50 Lbs since . . . I think it was 2 years ago when I weighed in at 247. So I am grateful for that. Last night my roommate couldn't figure out why I was crying at the kitchen table and suggested I make some cookies. Um, not a good idea. So instead she made the cookies. I had gone for a little walk and come hope to a huge batch of unbaked oatmeal cookies. They were the really sugary kind as they had 3 CUPS of brown sugar. I have never had that kind before. I love oatmeal cookies to begin with. My goal was to just taste one, but I think I had six-eight. Um Hello Sarah! Maybe I need to set some goals and stick to them.

But I was able to talk to my brother, Jeff and my friend, Winder. They have a way of picking me up when I'm down. I was feeling so far behind in the grand scheme of things. I mean I have yet to get married let alone have kids. And I'm creeping up on my 35th b-day. Ah well. We all have our own divine schedule.

I was going to go on a date tomorrow, but the guy wanted to go at 10:30am and I have a NAMI meeting from 10:30am-12:30pm. I guess he's too busy to go after that. Bummer. I'll see him at church on Sunday and we can talk it over. He's a security guy, so maybe he works all night and sleeps in the day or something.

Today I am applying for a receptionist job at H & R Block. It's only part time and minimum wage, but it will get me more busy, which is something I need so that I'm not sitting around watching TV.

I've got a couple blood tests to run. Hopefully those cookies didn't push me over the edge for my fasting blood glucose test. Cross your fingers. I'm off!
-MOPS

The Human Experience

I've been thinking about something that I want to share with you. When I was a kid I didn't think much about the fact that my grandpas on both sides of the family had served in World War II. Nor did I think much of the fact that my Uncle served in Vietnam. I never thought much about my grandma's brother who died while serving in WWII. I just didn't think about it. To me war is a horrible, nasty thing and I didn't want to be involved in it.

When I was at BYU I had the opportunity to take a personal history class from Don Norton. He taught me the importance of finding out those things I can about the people I am related to and to record that information in a way that would be accessible to the person and also to the family if they so desired.

I had the opportunity to become Brother Norton's assistant. At first I was working as a copy editor with him. He would let me do the first read of professors' articles to be published and then would teach me what I need to learn in order to become a better copy editor.

Later, he included me in a project that he was working on---Oral History. At the time he was interviewing WWII veterans and finding out about their stories and their experiences. 99% of them felt they had nothing to share, but Don has a way of asking just the right question and sharing his understanding in a way the people come alive with memories and stories. WWII became real to me! Suddenly I was hearing about the Pearl Harbor bombing from people who were in their late teens and early twenties at the time. Basically they were my age and they had the same kinds of reaction that I hope I would, pure terror and a sense of obligation to do something about it.

Having interviewed my grandpa about his experiences in WWII, I gained a greater respect for him and a what I would hope was a sense of compassion. It's grown with every person I've interviewed or transcribed since. Some of these people we call heroes. Like my grandpa, they would never call themselves heroes, but they are simply because they did the best they could under awfully horrible circumstances. Many veterans feel it was just their duty. But while doing their duty, while being pushed to the edge, they dug down and found that determination to overcome and fight tooth and nail to accomplish the task. They strived to do whatever they could to better the lives of others.

I've had the opportunity to interview and transcribe many interviews. It doesn't matter if they were involved in the military, or if they weren't. People have a story to tell and we need to listen.

While interviewing someone about their experiences, whether it be war on the battlefield or war in daily life situations, we all have experiences that are unique and that can help others. How? Well, many people experience something and feel all alone because they feel like no one can understand their situation. However, once I began learning of the experiences of other people, I began learning about myself. We all have that desire to understand who we really are. We all have those experience that push us to our very edge and or experiences that make us dig deeper within than we ever thought possible. I'm sure we have all experienced being lonely and feeling like no one remembers us. Perhaps we've felt grief stricken and didn't know how to express ourselves. We've felt inexplicably happy or down right confused. At times we feel enraged, offended or frustrated. Sometimes we feel completely stupid. Hopefully there comes a time when we feel smarter than all get out for a brief moment. For some there is depression and despair. At other times there may be this feeling you're infused with energy. Hopefully we've all felt full, and I think that everyone has felt starving---real or imagined. There's humiliation, sickness, love and hatred. That feeling of being completely stuck or that desire to be accepted. We're addicted to something, be it food, TV, exercise, drugs or even the comforts of life as the case may be. We feel completely ignored by others and maybe there are even days we wish we were ignored. There are hours, days, weeks, months or even years where we may feel completely overwhelmed or even on the brink of giving up---not knowing where to even begin. While there are or will be times when we feel we need to do more. There's pride. There's guilt. There's humility. And yes, there's even that silly side that pokes it's head in and makes us want to laugh like a kids again when we hear someone fart. The point is, the human experience is actually quite similar. Granted, none of us experience the same things in the same ways.

I think Heavenly Father wants us to learn from our brother, Jesus Christ. He also wants us to learn from each other. Just like he wants us to liken the scriptures unto ourselves (1 Ne 19:23), I believe he wants us to relate to one another.

No, I don't have to be a veteran to understand war or the ravishes thereof. And you don't need to know what hearing a voice in your head for seven years is like to understand me. All we need to do is learn compassion. We need to learn that while our situations may be completely different---opposite even---we have the same kinds of feelings. No, we might not react to things in the same way. But we have felt or one day will feel what the other person is feeling. Learn from each other, and the only way we can honestly do that is to listen with an open mind.

It is not my intent to belittle the sacrifices of those many veterans who've served our country through out the years, some of whom gave their very lives, nor is it to tell people I understand what they're going through. Instead, I hope there is some inkling born in each of us to try and understand. Try and get to know others. Try and become better accuainted with our family members and the others who surround us daily. Everyone has a story to tell and I am willing to bet that everyone wants to be better understood.

How's that for being preachy? Hope you're having a great day and that your dreams and wishes come true.
-MOPS

Dept. of Vocational Rehabilitation

Hi, I am excited to say that Department of Vocational Rehabilitation California is currently helping me get the papers in order to get my education and get off the dole! Yes, that is right folks. I will be getting an education, a job and getting off social security!! Yea!!

Granted it will take a while, but I am so happy to be part of this program. They said that once the paperwork is approved they will pay for my GRE and my tuition and books!! The paperwork should all be completed and accepted to begin by the beginning of next week! Can you believe that!? I'm currently looking forward to applying for the Master's of Rehabilitation Counseling at SDSU. Evidently it is even the nineth in the nation! I have finished my application with the exception of my three letters of recommendation, taking the GRE and transcripts from BYU and Ricks. Oh my word!

Today I went to the dentist. I really have the best Dentist, Dr. Scott Herrod. He and his office and assistants are probably some of the most thoughtful people I know and deal with for my health. if it weren't for that scraping noise when they clean my teeth, I think I would go more often. I do look forward to seeing them though.

I got to hang out with my parents today. They took me to my dentist appt. and they also took me to get my early Christmas Present, NEW PLANNER PAGES!! I don't know why, but getting new pages always gets me excited about the comming year, especially now that I have so much to look forward to. I almost ripped right into those pages when I got home, but I decided to check my email and post something here first. Ah, the restraint! Although, I think this is the first time I have looked forward to the new year in a LONG time. I guess it's because I can actually see the change in my life. I am actually feeling happy, not just exsisting. I have my education to look forward to and my new job as a Rehab Counselor not looking like a dream anymore but actually realistic. I have also been able to make some friends and build my enjoyment factor. Boy, am I grateful!

Leslie made homemade mac and cheese last night. Homemade is so much better than that box stuff I was eating so often!

Well, I can't wait to rip into those planner pages. I'd better go . . . until later, MOPS

Oh, I took a picture of those silly boots. I have been wearing them religiously. I have gotten pretty good at walking around in them. In fact, my new favorite past time is dancing in them. Actually, I just plant my feet on the ground, swing my hips, and shoulders, wave my finger back and forth while lip sic - ing "R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to me!" with it turned up! While no one else is home of course. :)

The Boots!
YES, it looks like I have two left feet, but I was assured they were bi-footed. (is that how you say it?)

Okay, so you can't get a true idea of me dancing from this picture. Too bad I don't have a video of me singing and dancing R-E-S-P-E-C-T! I guess I need to find a friend with a camera. :)

-MOPS

Reflections

Greetings and Salutations!

You know, for the past few days I have been thinking about my "Human Experience" entry. I've been thinking about my grandpa and his WWII experience. I've been thinking about the other men and women who were directly involved in WWII either as a civilian, a soldier, a nurse, or heaven forbid as a Jewish person in Eastern Europe. All this thinking really bothers me.

Recently I read Clara's War: One Girl's Story of Survival. It was the most amazingly written, story of a young Jewish girl who lived in Poland during WWII and who actually survived it. I hadn't read the entire title of the book and had never heard of it before. I didn't know she would survive. I thought it was like The Diary of Anne Frank, a young Jewish girl who didn't. Clara's War told of the ravages of war. She documents the lives and deaths of many of her friends and family. She tells it like it is, as it is happening. It was an alarming story balanced with her discovering the true meaning behind the prayers and traditions she practiced her entire 15 years on the Earth. It was touching and devastating all in the same breath.

I was thinking about this book and tonight I turned on the History channel and there was a documentary of WWII. I turned it on just as the Allies were liberating their first concentration camp. The raw footage of those first and lasting images of those piles of skeletons and the diaries of the soldiers who liberated them and then the nurses who treated those who were still alive---yet looked like the walking dead---makes me realize I will never understand what those people went through. I will never understand the horror, terror or amount of cruelty exhibited in those concentration camps. I will never understand what it's like to be those valiant troops as they shot at other human beings, freezing in a snow covered trench while those very same beings shoot at me. Nor will I understand what it was like for a Japanese family to have the atomic bomb dropped on their city. Or those Japanese Americans who were herded into camps here in the United States.

At least I hope and pray I never fully understand, but I hope I can feel the compassion necessary to do something about it. By compassion I don't mean pity. To me pity means feeling sorry for someone or something while thinking they are somehow lower than I am. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you have a better definition than I do. I guess more than compassion, I hope that I can feel empathy.

Today I went to the Peer-to-Peer meeting at NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill). Each person had 6 minutes to summarize their experience and 3 minutes to for the group to respond. I heard some of the most horrific situations and experiences that I have ever heard in my life.

I have to admit I tried to share mine and I got choked up. I couldn't look anyone in the eye while explaining it. I think part of the reason was because no one had ever heard the entire, real story, although many have lived it with me. The other part of my emotions stemmed from this oddly empowering declaration of triumph. I survived! Right now I feel like I am more than existing. I feel like I am living---and loving it! -MOPS

The Produce Section

the cantaloupe
I saw you in the produce there
and thought to myself, do I really dare
pick out a fine melon and take it straight home
risking the fact you’ll be all alone
in my kitchen lying atop the counter or worse
in the frig to freeze solid (next to my purse)
just to find you weeks later
behind the soft moldy tater
whose eyes long and white—
just the thought causes fright—
for it too I’d bought, with intentions to eat,
yet consistently forgot it (along with the meat)
so cantaloupe tell me, you think I should chance it
taking you home, though there’s threat you’ll go rancid?

I wrote this poem for a class and was thinking about it this evening and laughing hard at the fact that I could actually remember the first two lines . . . maybe the memories are returning!

Don't tell me you have NEVER bought something only to have it go rotten while hidden in the back recesses of your fridge or fruit bowl. That's the hazard of buying fresh fruit for one. Or bread, veggies and milk products. I've even poured a bowl of cereal here and noticed that it had bugs in it. Not something you want to see floating in the milk with the rice chex!!

Happy Halloween! We had probably 12 trick-or-treaters here. I guess I'll have to pawn the rest of the candy off on my roommate and her son. Me and my booted costume! I'll have to take a picture of it. Simply put, I dressed up as the friendly neighborhood schizophrenic . . . with two orthotic boots.
-MOPS

The Makeover!

I have to admit. I like makeover shows: What Not to Wear & Extreeme Home Makeover. So I figured it was about time I made over the blog. It's looked the same since I started it back in 2005, so I guess it was overdue.

I'm going to work on keeping the blog better up to date and keeping up with you fun people who read it. I appreciate your comments and participation.

Tell me what you think of the makeover and what I could do to make it more interesting.

Thanks! -MOPS

The Halloween Costume

Oh, I bet you're wondering what I would be for Halloween. I have basically three options: The stay puff marshmellow man, Frankenstien or Herman Munster!

You see my little foot that was hurt at the beginning of the month was finally diagnosed by a podiatrist as having tendon/muscle damage and so he's having me wear a velcro metal boot on that left foot. Then he looked again at my xrays of my other foot and told me that my right foot would hurt more with my overpronating when I was wearing the boot so he put a boot on the right foot too!

I am becoming rather adapt at walking like this. At first I was walking like Herman Munster, but now I can walk pretty well. In fact the funny thing is both my feet feel much better than they did before I "hurt" the left one. I've had bad feet for years and now niether can overpronate because their both forced to walk straight. Now I just need to get the muscle up to par. It brings new meaning to the leg lift idea.

I am so grateful that I already had that appt with the podiatrist because my sprained ankle seemed to be getting worse and worse with the passing weeks instead of becoming that perky, happy, yet smelly foot that it was.

So which shall I be for Halloween? Of course, if I'm going to be wearing these boots for the next 6 weeks I may as well wear the costume the entire time too, right? -MOPS

Ahh! My foot!

Okay, so I have relearned a lesson I learned a LONG time ago. Don't run after the elders! And don't run in the Church! Sunday I was at the North Stake's ASL class for game night and saw the elders leaving. Well, I'm now teaching a class they began and so I wanted to see if they had any ideas. (Can you see where this is going?) So I am running through the foyer, calling after the elders and roll, snap, I fell, biting my tongue in the process of trying not to let out a scream at church. I couldn't put any pressure on my left foot. A lump was swelling on the side and soon it turned blue. Nice. This is the same foot, I might add, that I twisted what? three months ago. So, I have weak ankles! Tis true.

The elders came back and gave me a priesthood blessing with a man named Randy from the ASL Branch.

My roommate took me home. (Sweet thing that she is.) We iced it and called the Dr. I went to the appointment on Monday Morning thanks to my willing Grandpa. I also made it to all the other Dr's appointments I had on Monday thanks to my VT, Heidi and my roommate's son, Collin.

My Dr. said my foot was sprained. He looked at the Xrays and said it would be fine. My other Dr said he was very happy I was feeling more and more like myself and to ease into the activities. My other Dr. talked to me about some goals. Ah . . . goals. Finish the book! Get involved in institute. Go to the NAMI classes. And . . . count down the days to Halloween. Nah, just kidding. Although I think I will be handing out the candy this year. Yeah!

My parents are back from their trip to Utah. They had a blast. They even brought me back a dark chocolate bar made from Madagascar cocoa beans. I guess that means David and Judy will feel right at home in Utah when they get home from their mission and can still get Madagascar Chocolate bars in Utah!

Conference this weekend was Awesome! It never ceases to amaze me that those things I am praying for are answered in the various talks. The Choir sounded fantastic! I am proud to say I have a cousin in it! She keeps me updated with all the news.

We celebrated my Grandma P. 86th Birthday!! I got a great picture of her blowing out her six candles. She looks like a kid again!

I found my journals and have slowly been transferring them into digital. So far I've finished one. What a riot it is to read them! I started writing a journal in 1987, so I was 12. Ah, the memories!

Well, until later!-MOPS

The Lovely Sarah Price

Greetings fellow fans! Hope you are all doing well. I am just hanging out in the SDSU institute and having a lot of fun. Sister North challenged me to a game of ping pong and I must have learned how to play somewhere because I gave her a run for the money.

I went to the B of M Class today and it was fantastic. It is fun to relearn the Book Of Mormon stories that my teacher told to me. It's frustrating too, because in my mind I'm saying to myself "Don't I know this already??" But I am relearning it in any case.

I have met (And remet) some fantastic people here and I am enjoying being around them.

I had the opportunity to walk to the trolley today with a girl who works at a mentoring program for people who have disabilities. It was so much fun to talk with her and learn about what she is doing to help others. It reminds me how much fun I have had meeting new people and making friends with people who have various "disabilities." So many of them are just a light to me!

Earlier this week I went to the SDSU student Disability center to see if I could volunteer as a notetaker or as a reader for students who may need it. I know that I did that at BYU and I think it would be an excellent thing to continue in that. Evidently they don't even have those kinds of services at SDSU. So We'll see what we can do. Hmmm . . . any ideas?

I am so fascinated by people, I really am. I am fascinated by our differences and our cultures and just the amazing variety we have with backgrounds and languages. I am fascinated by the things we can learn from each other! Note: Fascinated is the word of the day. :)

Today I was called by the NAMI peer to Peer program. For those of you who aren't familiar with NAMI its the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. I guess I signed up for the program a while ago but I had to wait on a waiting list (if I understand correctly). Anyway, I was invited to come to the Meetings beginning Saturday Oct. 24. there are 10 meetings. Once I have completed the meetings I will be invited to become part of and get trained to become a mentor for others with mental illness. After doing that for a while I can become trained to teach others around the community about mental illness. I am truly excited to become part of that.

Well, my parents went off to Utah for vacation. I really wish I could have gone with them and seen all you guys who are up around there! But, as my mom put it, it's time for their second honeymoon. So I hope they have a LOT of fun! Too bad I couldn't have borrowed a skateboard and a rope and just hung on behind them! Tee hee!

Well, I'd better be off. I have things to do, people to meet and places to see! Love you guys!
-MOPS

So much fun!

Hello,

Well, the elders in our ward came and really served us! They whacked down and ripped out a juniper bush. It was probably about 10 ft. high. They worked on it for several hours, stopping for water and lunch. I made them pork tacos. They ate them right up. Awesome missionaries! I want to find someone in this area I can refer them too. I don't know many people here.

My Uncle and Aunt came to town for a couple of days and it was SO fun to see them!! We all (granparents, mom, dad and 2 uncles and 2 aunts. FUN!! -MOPS

Where have I been?

Hello? Okay, so I do a better job managing my journal than I do managing my blog. I've written in a journal since I was 12. I've had a blog since 2005 (with only one posting then.). I am so grateful I've always written in a journal. I mean, having lost the lat 12+ years of crystal clear memory due to ECT has really changed me. I mean if you learn from your experiences . . . does that mean that you have to experience everything over again if you can't remember it? Good thing I've kept a journal and have friends and family who can remind me of things. Everything from the activities and experiences I've had to the tale of Sleeping Beauty and Rumpelstiltskin.

Anyway, let me catch you up.

I moved from that horrid group house on July 1, 2009. What a difference! I am now living with a friend of mine. She is the mother of one of my friends from high school/the "other ward." It is so nice to have family prayer and live in an environment that is inviting to the Spirit. Because of which my perspective on life has completely changed. The voices have left and I am getting out and around on my bike, bus and trolley. It's actually refreshing.

That is until yesterday. Boy, yesterday something hit me. I must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed. My brain was in overload. spinning and repeating things over and over again. I started freaking out. I mean completely freaking out. It got to the point where I couldn't catch my breath and stop crying, which for me means getting sick to my stomach. But luckily I was able to control that. Finally I remembered to call my counselor. I got through to him and he reminded me I have a PRN and to take one. My roommate finally came home and did not yell at me (not that she ever has. But for some reason I was thinking over and over again that she would (like they did at that group home I was at)). I was beyond paranoid. I was sweating and feeling cold at the same time. We don't have air conditioning and so I had the fans on. But I was seriously whacked. I had called my dad and he asked if I had a fever. I took my temp and it was only 99, so I don't think it was the fever.

I hope my family never has to see that side of me again. Unfortunately, I can only control it so much.

I have made many mistakes in this life, some having to do with my family and I really don't want to put them through what I go through. Not that my illness is caused by my mistakes. Nope. I've never taken drugs unless they are prescribed. I've never taken too much of a drug either. But I have watched things on TV that seriously effect my affect. (How's that for a sentence?!) I am working on watching less TV and when I do watch TV, not to watch things that are violent or just plain bad, because it effects my spirit, which effects my brain, body and mood. I'm sure that at one point I knew all this, but it seems that I have relearned it in a significant way.

Now that I've talked your ear off, I'll let you go. :) -MOPS

More news

My parents are out of town and they won't be coming home for 9 days. They went to Atlanta, GA to see my brother and his family and to see their new baby get blessed. I am bummed that I couldn't go, but who has money for that anyway?

I would love to see my new nephew and my other neices and nephew. I haven't seen them for quite a while.

I have some things that I am working on. I need to work on my book. I haven't worked on that for a while. I have been reading a lot more lately. That's been a lot of fun.

My Aunt came in town from Dallas, TX. It was a lot of fun to see her and her daughter came too. I saw her at dinner at another Aunt's house. It was fun to see them. I can't even remember the last time I saw them.

Anyway, I'm off. Have a great day! -MOPS

At Last!

Hello! Hello! Hello!
I am so excited! I went to the SDSU institute this past week and I found an ad for a woman who was looking for a roommate! Yeah! And come to find out I know her. She lives in the same town I grew up in and I went to see her and her house and we had a great talk!

So, I will be moving in with her in July! On the first! I am so excited to live with someone who shares the same values that I do and who won't lock up the food and the rent is half of what I am paying now and I am so happy! I can buy my own bus pas and I can buy my own food.

The only thing that I am sad about is that I moving out of the San Diego 8th ward with my Aunt and cousin and a great Bishop and great visiting teachers. So I'll have to make that happen in the new ward. Of course my Aunt and cousin won't be in that ward, but there will be other people that have known all growing up and I will be in the stake that I was in growing up, so that will be good.

So, I am happy and I look forward to moving! Yeah!! -MOPS

Loma Residential

Hello,
Here I'm living in a group home of a bunch of people who have mental illness. It is HARD to live with people with mental illness. Does that mean it's hard to live with me? I wish I could be more healthy and move out of here. I'm so sick of living here. I've got to move out! I've almost lived here for 8 months. I'm more than willing to move out. I wish I could find a girl with my values who would be willing to have me as a roomie. I think there has to be another person with morals out there who won't be afriad to live with me. I'm working hard at being under control. I need a car too. I hope I can get one. I hope I can move out of here soon. Good grief, I guess you already know that! I can cook for myself, I know when I am sick, I'm very resourceful at getting places. The only place I need a ride to and from is ECT. Bummer. I absolutely hate this place. I need to do what I can to lower the stress in my life and moving out of this place would certainly help.
-MOPS

Ah Well

So,
I am still living at this group home. I am more than willing to move and get outof here. This house is just not for me. So if you know of another place for me to move . . . just tell me. I am ready. I have already lived here for more than 7 months and my out patient Dr wants me to move.

Pray for me. Please. -MOPS

Another Britian's Got Talent!

This 12-year-old sang two songs. I don't know what he did wrong on the first try, but Simon said he did it all wrong and asked him to sing another song. The second song he sang was fantastic! I thought they both were! But go and see for yourself. He will be competing against Susan Boyle, the other woman I posted on this blog.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVU4IkzMNIo

-MOPS

Arizona!

Hello all! I had the best weekend last weekend! I drove with my parents to Mesa, AZ and had the opportunity to hang out with my family! Klint and Heather's oldest, Taylor, was baptized and they're youngest, Breanna, was blessed. It was so much fun to be with so many people and just enjoy myself. I loved Taylor's baptism. I had the opportunity to share my testimony with her and then on Sunday I had the opportunity to hold Breanna for quite a while, while every one else slept or played games. It was such a blast! I can't remeber the last time I got to hold a baby. Breanna has a head full of dark brown hair that's about 2 inches long. She has the cutest smile!

I also got to draw a lot of pictures with Kristen my 6-year-old niece and listen to all the crazy stories from almost all the 35 people that were hanging out in the Price household at the same time.

The poor kids were sick and some of the adults got it too, but for some it came and left pretty quick. Like me, I had a sore throat on Sunday, but I took some cold meds and it went away. I was very lucky.

I also got to have my very own hotel room, which was nice. It was a HUGE bed with comfy pillows and blankets. It was great. The food on the vacation was good too.

I read the book Inkheart which is a very good book. I checked it out at the La Mesa Library before I left. I saw the movie when it was in theaters, but it is completely different than the book and as always, the book was much better.

I wish I were able to go to Atlanta, GA to see my new nephew when he's born this coming week.

Until later, MOPS

TP

I am slightly amused because I am living in this group home and Sat. morning I am given a roll of toliet paper by the owners. I am told this is MY roll of toliet paper and I'm not to be using anyone else's roll. Evidently the FIVE women who use the ONE bathroom have been going through the TP TOO FAST! Hmmm . . . so we were all given our own roll. Tonight I'm left to wonder what will happen if I run out of toliet paper before the owner thinks I should (for example we only get one galllon of milk for 6 people and it is supposed to last us a month! If we finish it early we don't get another gallon until the next month. Or the peanut butter, if the 6 of us finish that within 2 months we don't get another thing of peanut butter for an additional 2 months.) So what's up with the toliet paper?
I told this to a friend of mine and he said it reminded him of a Sienfiled episode "can you spare a square?" or "The Stall." That made me laugh a bit. When I told my former 4th/5th grade teacher's family about it they thought it was hilarious! The wife ran and got me a roll from her cupboard so I won't have to start collecting leaves or something incaqse I use more than I should and not be given another roll until late next month.

Until later, MOPS

Choices

In this life we have so many choices. Sometimes we make good choices and sometimes not so good . . .sometimes even rotten ones. I think that part of helping someone make a decision is being there for them and being trustworthy. I also think that part of living life is being able to make your own choices. That is part of why we're here on this earth after all---to see if we apply what we learn to our lives. It's impossible to always make good decisions, I mean, we can try our hearts out and make we best decisions we can, but we are all human. I think part of living life is being able to have the free agency to make choices without others telling you they are wrong just because the don't agree with the choice you make or think that they make better decisions for you. I can understand that a parent wants their child to make good decisions for several reasons: 1. They love their child. 2. They want what's best for their child. 3. They did their very best to teach their child so that they would not go astray. 4. They might get embarrassed if their child makes a poor decision feeling it reflects on them.

However there comes a time when parents need to be there for advice when their child asks for it, but cut the lines so that the child doesn't feel like they have to do everything their parents want or they are a horrible child. Let the child step out. Let them make their own decisions. The parent needs to trust themself, knowing that they really did all they could to teach their child and have faith that the child learned what was taught and will use that wisdom to make the decisions they have in their life.

Until later, MOPS

A Date!

I asked a guy out on a date to go to the movies because I have a gift certificate. I finally decided to take things into my own hands since I haven't gone on a real date since BYU---and that was a while ago.

He didn't seem to mind that I asked him out. We are going out this Friday night. He hasn't called me and so I don't know what movie we are going to see . . . but I hope it's a good one! He seems really nice. I met him at FHE at my Uncle's singles ward. I am a little old for that ward, but I think that I've met some really good people.

The senior missionaries from the institute are taking me to the activities.

I hope this guy doesn't pass out when he finds out that I am 34 and not younger than 30 to be going to his singles activities. tee hee hee.

Until later, MOPS

I dreamed a dream

This woman is amazing. This is an example of how we can be surprised by people when we make judgements. This is Susan Boyle and she is from Scotland. She is 47 and on the show "Britain's Got Talent." She has never been on a date nor has she ever been kissed by a boy. She has the voice of a truly trained master! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY
Until later, MOPS

Happy Birthday to me

I can't believe that I am now 34 years old. I have some goals to work on. I want to become independent from this house and move away. I want to lose 100 lbs this year. I want to start dating again. I want to get on better terms with my parents and grandparents. So that's about it. Good luck to me. -MOPS

Venting

Prior to moving in to Loma Residential, the owners assured me a vegetarian diet, rides to & from all of my appointments, a regular haircut and a bus pass. But unfortunately, they completely lied. Last night my counseling appointment wasn't until 7pm and Mike, the owner, said it was too late---even though he'd known about the appointment for 3 weeks or more. So, I missed the appointment and wasn't able to reschedule it . . . until a month from now.

Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment in La Mesa. It's four blocks from my parents house. Mary, the lady who works for Mike was taking me to the appointment but at the spur of the moment said she couldn't pick me up afterwards. I thought maybe I could walk to mom and dad's house afterwards, maybe hang out a while to postpone returning to this place as long as I possibly could. I thought maybe they'd be willing to take back. But when the owner found out my plan, he called my mom and dad and forbade them the take me home because I need "to learn independence." Gee. After living serving a mission in Dallas and living out of state for nearly 10 years . . . graduated with my bachelors, started my Masters . . . cooked, grocery shopped, cleaned, played, went to church, drove provided my own transportation everywhere by walking, driving or ride my bike everywhere . . .I need to learn independence? It's called using your resources. What do they think I am STUPID? So I looked up San Diego public transit but the San Diego bus Internet site doesn't include La Mesa even though buses and trolleys go through the city all the time. OH I'M SO MAD! So I called the transit line and all they do is give bus or trolley or coaster routes. None of them mixed like taking the bus to the trolley and then getting on another bus and nothing in La Mesa. MY LIFE SUCKS AND I HATE LIVING IT!

So, just so I can "make my own decisions and be independent," forget the San Diego Transit! Mike hasn't bought me a monthly  bus pass since I moved in here! I'm going to get some exercise and ride my bike from near the College area to La Mesa blvd. It's only a seven mile round-trip. Who cares if I die of a heart attack because my heart rate gets too elevated due to exercise (thanks to one med I took which caused tachycardia). I certainly don't care!

Since I was diagnosed with something in March of '98 I have always taken all my meds as prescribed---everyday. I've never self medicated with drugs or alcohol. I've always tried to make good decisions as best I possibly can, yet my life is CRAP! I don't even remotely do any of the things that many other Bipolar or schizophrenic people do. I don't sell my body or have multiple sex partners. I've been having ECT since Dec. 2007! Nearly weekly if not more often! Now I can't even remember working at the temple or going out with Judy for ice cream unless I wrote about it in my journal. Even then I don't remember it. I just read about it in my journal and think, "huh, I wrote it . . . I guess it's true." I can't remember my mission, I can't remember going to BYU or Ricks. My education is completely lost! Now I'm stuck at this horrible group home where all who live here do all day is watch TV and fight about changing channels. Oh that's productive! That really teaches them how to live with their illnesses! It really teaches them independence! I HAVE TO MOVE somewhere I won't be around people who think I need to learn independence & learn how to take care of myself. When I'm really sick, I know it! I call my Dr or my nurse or I go to the hospital. Most people who have my illness don't even recognize that they are ill. Many don't know how to take care of themselves. They quit taking their meds after a month or two because they either feel better or the meds aren't working so what's the point?

I'm jealous of my brothers and their families. They can remember their education. They found the woman of their dreams and have silly kids. I'm know they have their own trials . . . but they don't involve suicidal voices, intrusive thoughts, depression, living under someone else's roof and not having the liberty to leave when they want. They can choose what they want for a meal. If they want a glass of milk they won't get in trouble for it---because they have more than ONE gallon per month for 8 people! Yeah, that's getting my calcium content for the day/week/month.

I've had so much ECT I can't remember what I learned on my mission---if I learned anything and I can only kind of remember high school. Before that . . . it's spotty. My prayers go completely unheard and unanswered. It's useless. My in patient Dr and the owner of this house, Mike, are completely controlling my life. Mike thinks I'm such a sicko that I have to give Mike 24 hours notice before I go anywhere---even with my family. He's like the evil step-dad I never had. What's worse, my mom and dad think everything my Dr or Mike says is right and should be followed to the "t". They can't even make decisions on their own . . . so why allow me? I tell them that I don't want ECT any more because it's not working and my mom says, "but you have a smile on your face and you took a shower!" Oh yeah, that's how I look everyday! They all must think I am the most stupid, imbecilic, incapable person to ever have existed mortally. They feel they can judge my capacity by my immediate appearance! So what if I've cried myself to sleep nearly every single night for the past several weeks? They don't even notice the good things I do or even my life compared to someone else who has this illness. Gee, I wonder if I started living like others both who I know or have read about if my parents would realize how good they had it when I was living my standards!-MOPS

The List

My dad gave me the advice (twice) to make a gratitude journal. I have been working on it. He said that when I am feeling bad I should review it . . . perhaps hourly. So, since I am feeling completely terrible right now I have decided to transfer my log to this post.
1. I am grateful for my parents.
2. I am grateful for my doctors and my counselor.
3. I am grateful I can read.
4. I am grateful for my lifetime of great friends.
5. I'm grateful I don't smoke or drink and never have.
6. I'm grateful for my glasses.
7. I am grateful for my grandparents and that I have had the opportunity to get to know them.
8. I'm grateful my Grandpa is a Sealer and I hope that one day I will find a great, loving, nonjudgmental, priesthood holder that my Grandpa can Seal me to.
9. I'm grateful for the people who work on CAP 2. (That's the hospital unit I am usually sent to.)
10. I am grateful I have my own room.
11. I'm grateful I can volunteer in Senora Alvarez's 2nd grade class.
12. I'm grateful that I have a bus pass.
13. I am grateful and miss David and Judy Peterson and pray that they will be safe and have fun on their mission in Madagascar.
14. I'm grateful for my friendships and admire my professors from BYU, Dean Hughes, Colleen Whitley and Don Norton.
15. I'm grateful for my mom and all she tries and does for me. I wish I could communicate with her better.
16. I'm grateful for my dad and that he holds the Priesthood and I wish that I could communicate with him better, too.
17. I'm grateful that I had a car and the freedom that went with it for as long as I did.
18. I'm grateful for my new Bishop and his wife, who's my visiting teacher.
19. I'm grateful for my brothers, Klint and Jeff and for their wives and all their healthy kids.
20.I'm grateful that Sharla and Jeff are expecting!
21. I'm grateful for the strength that I have for having gone through the temple and pray that I can remember it and hold onto it so that I won't get suicidal anymore.
22. I'm grateful for Heavenly Father and wish I could be with him.
23. I'm grateful that Christ died for each of us, so that not only can we be resurrected but He also understands us and gives us the opportunity to take the Sacrament.
24. I'm grateful for President Monson, his counselors and the Quorum of the 12.
25. I'm grateful for my patriarchal blessing and wish that I could understand it better and take comfort in it.
26. I'm grateful I have comfortable shoes.
27. I'm grateful for my bike and that I get to ride it.
28. I'm grateful for the people who work at this house who drive me almost everywhere.
29. I'm grateful that I fought on the right side in the pre-existence and made it to this world to be tested. My test is HARD. I don't understand it and it frustrates me to no end . . . but the Father trusts me enough to give it to me and I WILL pass this test!
30. I'm grateful for my mission president, President Hanks and his wife, Sister Hanks and their testimonies.
31. I believe I will find the man of my dreams in this life and be sealed and have a family.
32.I am grateful for Carol Beachley and all she's taught me as a Laurel advisor. I'm grateful I could help her with her paper route. I'm grateful she got me involved in ASL. I'm grateful for all the rides she gave me growing up. I'm grateful for her nonjudgmental ways and I'm grateful that she took care of me and my brothers so often growing up when my parents went out of town---along with all her kids.
33. I'm grateful when I have a good perspective and strive to have one more often.
34. I'm grateful when I can see the hand of the Lord in my life.
35. I'm grateful I'm not persecuted for being a member of the church.
36. I'm grateful when I have the ability to make good decisions and do.
37. I'm grateful for my Aunt Chris and her family. I'm grateful for all the rides she's given me and for her willingness to understand me.
38. I'm grateful to those who give me a hug when I go to church.
39. I'm grateful to Sue and for her willingness to cook for us.
40. I'm grateful that I got to go to Young Women's Camp Milabee and for all the fun I had learning the lessons, getting to know the leaders and singing my heart out. (And I wish I could remember the songs.)
41. I'm grateful I got to go to Ricks and BYU and graduate from both.
42. I'm grateful I was accepted to a great MFA in Creative Writing and wish that I had the funds to do it. But will probably do it later in life.
43. I'm grateful for Elder and Sister North and for their love and rides.
44. I am grateful for family home evening.
45. I'm grateful I learned the Cha-Cha last Monday night with some really great partners.
46. I'm grateful for my meds and wish that they worked better.
47. I'm grateful for all the vacations I have gone on and hope to continue to see the world.
48. I'm grateful I can speak Spanish and know American Sign Language.
49. I'm grateful that I have been keeping a journal for so long since I have a rotten memory.
50. I'm grateful that I served a mission in Dallas, Texas---met so many wonderful people and helped several gain testimonies of Christ and get baptized or reactivated.
51. I'm grateful for the scriptures and plan on reading them more often.
52. I'm grateful I got to work at the temple here in San Diego as an Ordinance Worker and also in the recording office and in the laundry.
53. I'm grateful for my letter from President Monson.
54. I'm grateful I got to go to EFY so many times and share my testimony with my friend who later became baptized and sealed in the temple to a wonderful husband and great kids.
55. I'm happy for all the times I was able to pull a prank on a friend . . . and laugh with them about it.
56. I'm grateful I have short hair that I really don't have to worry about.
57. I'm grateful for all the times I got to have a friend spend the night, stay up talking and stregthen our friendship. I miss that.
58. I'm grateful for friends who call or write me an email just to see how I'm doing.
59. I'm grateful I have a dentist.
60. I'm grateful for all the good books I've read.
61. I'm grateful for all my seminary teachers, religion teachers, primary teachers, Sunday School teachers and Young Womens' advisors.
I'll continue this later.

There is a student in the class that I am volunteering at and he has a hard time too. I told him about my list and even let him read some of it. I told him to make his own list. We started it together with things like: his grandma's cooking, his skateboard, his laptop and a list of about 15 things. We're both working on feeling better. I hope his list helps him out.

Until later, MOPS

Second Graders

Recently I started volunteering at the Language Academy which is near my house. I am working in a Second Grade classroom and they are learning Spanish. they study topics in Spanish and I am learning a lot.

The kids are so much fun! I forgot how fun it was to be a kid. There are several kids who come up to me when I arrive and they give me a big hug. (Which is exactly what I need.) We have fun playing on the playground and jumping rope. Yesterday the music teacher came and let everyone play on her trumpet. He had 4 mouthpieces and a jar of alcohol. SO She soaked every mouthpiece after it was used and every kid got the chance to try . . . including me. I was by far the loudest since I have the largest lung capacity. It was hilarious!

Today I went out to eat with my telecare worker. I had Sushi. It was probably the third time I've ever had sushi. The first time I was with a bunch of friends. I thought the green stuff they give you with your order was avocado. WRONG! I practically melted my entire mouth and throat! Boy!

Well, I hope you're all doing well. I'm getting my picture taken tomorrow as a volunteer for the school. I don't know if I will get a copy or if it is just for the school. Who knows. I guess I had better dress nice for the picture. :)

Until later, MOPS

Happy New Year!

Hello! I have some friends who are serving a mission in Madagascar and they are inspiring me to work more often on this blog. I really have nothing to say except that I was moved into a group home called Loma Residential. For the first time in my life since I lived with family, I'm living with a male. Some how I'm the only one who thinks this is odd. Talk about strange.

Saturday I went bowling and the highest score that I got was a 71! WaHOO!

Tonight I got to go to my Aunt Chris' house and eat dinner and also we got to watch the CES fireside President Monson spoke at tonight at BYU. It was so good. I think the world of President Monson.

Recently I have really been having a hard time and I really need to work on reorganizing some things in my life. I have a lot to do, but I guess we all do.

Tonight President Monson talked a lot about "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens. I think Im going to go to the library tomorrow and check it out. It sounds like a good book. I've heard Dickens was a great author, I've probably read him before. I think I'm also going to check out some Wadsworth. It seems like President Monson is always quoting Wadsworth or Longfellow, along with the scriptures of course.

I also think I'm going to see if I can act as a volunteer at the SDSU institute. We'll see.

Love you! Until later, MOPS